Saturday, February 11, 2006

Eye See

I've been memed by Jason.
I never saw it coming. (Foreshadow alert!!)

The task: If you were a scientist designing the first bionic human, what would you improve upon, and how?

Let me ask you: What do you most fear in life? If you're anything like me, it's sneak-attack wedgies, wet willies, and the dreaded rear-admiral. With our visual capacities set up the way they are, we have a severe limitation of range that leaves us far too susceptible to these aforementioned sneak-attacks. What we need are the eyes of certain all-seeing fish. Not all-seeing in the all-knowing sense of God, but all-seeing in the sense of eyes that are located on the side of the head and can see forward and backward. As it is now, we must walk around risking whiplash as we spin our heads this way and that in a preventative fashion.

Of course, this will only reduce the number of occurrences of "sneak-attack" wedgies, wet willies, and the dreaded rear-admirals. Wedgies, wet willies, and the dreaded rear-admiral will still live on, to the delight of all.

Now memed: Brad, Mattias, Rob, Cher.

4 comments:

stodmyk said...

Okay, now I'm scared, mainly because I don't know what this "dreaded rear admiral" is.

looking over shoulder

One caveat to your eyes on the side of the head thang: evolutionary theorists have long held (and scientfically proven) that the main reason primate brains have been able to evolve as highly as they have is noneother than stereo vision.

Translation: if human eyes were further to the outside of the face, allowing greater peripheral vision, we'd allot more brain power to deciphering the visual stimulus, and thus would have less of our brains available for immediate, manual tasks. Or, say, abstract thought.

Good suggestion, though, if we could just negotiate that damned cranial limitation.

cher said...

ok, i have horrible perriferal (sp?) vision. i almost walk into people all the time who are in my "blind spot" and i didn't know they were there. it's worse when i wear my hair down too.

i too am now afraid of the rear admiral. i've never heard this expression before, but it sure sounds awful. it has moved it's way to the top of my "afraid of list".

they say we fear what we don't understand. it's never been more true!

jblueafterglow said...

you know, i do vaguely recall the scientifically proven theory that you refer to stodmyk. i guess i would rather have this evolved brain of mine than eyes on the side of my noggin'.

fyi: dreaded rear admiral

cher said...

wow, that was very imformative. it just doesn't exist. but it sure sounds like it should!