Saturday, February 24, 2007

Backyard Makeover

Biscotti and I are thinking of clearing the backyard of grass and putting in concrete. When we first moved in, the grass was great and we never thought we would want to get rid of it. But now, with two dogs that just loooove to dig and run and run amok, we both think a concrete backyard is a grand idea. We would leave a circular grass border around each of the three trees, the stretch gardens on both the east and west side of the yard would stay put, and the rest of the space would become easily maintained concrete. No more holes, no more mud, and picking up crap would be so much easier. What do you think, concrete or grass? View the pics and let us know.

Reminds me of baseball player Tug McGraw being asked whether he prefered artificial turf or grass. His answer: "I don't know, I've never smoked Astroturf"

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A Novel Catch

I got a catch today on a book I released in October. See. The catcher is an avid reader from Cranbrook who was in Vancouver for the first time. Cool eh?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Steve the Poker Player

Some friends were playing poker one evening when Steve accidentally dropped a card on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress. Shocked by this, Steve hit his head on the table as he sat back up again and emerged red-faced.

Later, Steve went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, Did you see anything that you liked under the table earlier? Surprised by her boldness, Steve admitted that, well, indeed he did. She said, Well, you can have it, but it will cost you $500. After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Steve confirmed that he was interested. She told him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and Steve doesn't, Steve should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Steve showed up at Bill's house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction as agreed. Steve quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, Did Steve come by the house this afternoon? With a lump in her throat Sue answered, Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon. Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, And did he give you $500?

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after mustering her best poker face replied, Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500. Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, Good, I was hoping he did. He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Raffi "Cool It"

Raffi’s newest song and video is a toe-tapping rockabilly tune on global warming. Cool It gets backing vocals from chanteuse Laurel Murphy and the staff of David Suzuki Foundation, including Dr. Suzuki himself. It is the theme song for David Suzuki’s cross-Canada bus tour to inspire action on global warming.
-- from this site

Friday, February 09, 2007

New Soccer Stadium

In Wednesday's edition of The Vancouver Courier Kevin Potvin has some interesting observations regarding the happenings surrounding the plans for a new soccer stadium. Link. My favorite line might be: Council voted unanimously to back the proposal.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Monday, February 05, 2007


"Smoked salmon Kraft Dinner; the official meal of the twenty-ten Olympics."
- Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies, Feb. 3 2007, GM Place

Saturday, February 03, 2007


"I don't know, a proof is a proof. What kind of a proof is a proof? A proof is a proof and when you have a good proof it's because it's proven."

- PM Jean Chretien, when asked what kind of proof he would need of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq before deciding to send Canadians along on the Bush invasion. September 5th, 2002

It's an oldie but a goodie.
Posted linguistically, not politically.

I saw a play called Proof. It was very good. It's now a movie that I won't see; I don't want the memory of the theatre experience compromised by... by... well, I guess, to be short and brief and to the point, by the movie experience.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Parked Car Crash - Trilogy!

And you thought the Parked Car Crash saga was over. Hahahahahahaha hahaha haha hahahaha hahaha. I suppose I shouldn't be laughing, since I thought it was over too. So did Biscotti. So did your mom.

Yes, a trilogy this has become. Post I and Post II

Here we go again. A few weeks ago, mid-January during the last snowfall, Biscotti went to put our vehicle in 4-wheel-drive for the first time since getting the car back, and couldn't. The shaft was completely loose and wobbled any which way. So we took it in to the same ol' shop. They said that it was "completely busted", but that it wasn't caused by the parked car crash or by their workers because they didn't work anywhere near the broken section. We asked if that meant that we broke it. They said no, that the way it's busted it'd be impossible for us to break. Uhhhhhh, okay, then I guess the magical pixies got up to no good again and "completely busted" our 4-wheel-drive. They had no explanation for what would have caused it. We're pretty sure we know what caused it. Pretty sure it happened during the night of October 8th.

We picked our car up and they said they'd call us when the necessary parts came in. Last Thursday it had been two and a half weeks with no call so we called them. The person said that the parts had been here for a week. Oh great, thanks for calling us, to which he said that papers often get filed and forgotten about and it's really the customers that lose out. Seriously, that's what the guy said! We made an appointment to take the car in today at noon. Biscotti dropped it off at 10am, and walked home, since they don't like to give courtesy cars if they're only gonna have the broken car for an hour or two.

The place closes at 5pm, and at 4:15pm we hadn't heard anything. Typical. We called and spelt our last name for the receptionist. "Hmmm, I don't think we have your car." Oh, okay then, sorry for troubling you - you fucking morons! With some prompting, she asked another person there and waddaya know, our car is there - shocking! But they don't know if it's gonna be ready for 5pm. We call again at 4:50pm. We get put on hold. Finally, after 10 minutes - 5pm, closing time - a voice; our car is not ready. There's a piece missing and they don't know where it is; if it's in the mechanics of the car it's a safety hazard, so they have to look carefully for it. What exactly have you been doing all bloody day?? They tell us we can come get a courtesy car. We decline, not worth the effort to get there when we're not even allowed to have the dogs in the courtesy car. We can walk to work and such and save gas money. They tell us they'll keep us updated tomorrow; we're not holding our breath - it's likely we'll have to be the ones making the effort of making phone calls, repeatedly, as usual.

This is the most-fucked-up-charade that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend, some people started....

Added Later: so on Friday we were expecting - but not really - a call at 11am giving an update. None comes. At 2pm we're leaving for work and call them. A girl says that the guy we've been dealing with called in sick. Wonderful. She says she'll find out about our car and call us back. We ask her to call back right away. 3pm comes and no call. Once again, we are calling them. Yup, our car is ready to be picked up. Biscotti says she'll be there in half an hour and the girl says the car will be waiting outside.

Now, I've written nothing in this post about money. Early on in this 4-wheel-drive development it was determined that, although they deny it was caused by the parked car crash, this is included in our warranty. The part would have cost approx. $600 with labor being approx. seven hours for five/six guys. So it's under the warranty, great.

Back to the phone call, after the girl says the car will be outside, she starts to say what the cost will be. Biscotti interrupts her to say, no, there will be no cost. Biscotti explains, and the call ends. Biscotti arrives in just under half an hour. No car in sight. She needs her car key anyway. She walks inside and tells the girl from the most recent phone call that she is here for the Chevy Tracker that is not outside. Biscotti spells her last name for them for the umpteenth time in the past two days. The girl picks up the phone, talks, puts the phone down, and says that the car is on the way. She then prints up a paper and tells Biscotti that the cost will be $750. Excuse me? says Biscotti. There is no cost, as I've already explained to you on the phone. Girl responds, you must be mistaken, it says right here $750. Biscotti responds, no, you must be mistaken. I'm not paying a penny for my car.

Girl takes the paper, turns, and walks to a group of four guys just out of the office area. Biscotti can hear everything. There's a woman who is refusing to pay. Guy: What do you mean? Girl: She owes $750 and won't pay. Guy: That's not Joseph's client is it? Looks at the paper. What is wrong with you, can't you read. Points at paper, amount under warranty, $750. Cost to owner $0. Go apologize. Biscotti speaks up, I'll take that apology. Girl comes back and prints up another sheet without saying a word. This new sheet has zero's across the board, even where there should be amounts. The girl silently hands the sheet to Biscotti. Biscotti asks if the car will be out soon. Told it'll just be a minute. Ten minutes later Biscotti asks again. Girl picks up the phone. Another ten minutes later still no car. Biscotti tells the girl it's now been twenty minutes since she said it'll be a minute. Girl picks up the phone and a minute later the car arrives.

Never go to Wolfe Chevrolet on Boundary Road at 1st Ave.