After an Air Canada flight reached its cruising altitude the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 293, non-stop from St. John's to Toronto. The weather ahead is good so we should have a smooth un-eventful flight. So sit back, relax, and OH MY GOD!"
After a few moments of silence the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you but while I was talking a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" One passenger from Newfoundland yelled out, "Lard tunderin Jesus, you should come here and see the BACK of MINE!"