Save the Whales? Save the Humans!

This is very cool.

A joke? Have any to share?

At Imagination Arts, there are two girls who sometimes have a joke or two to share.. Two examples:

What do you get when you cross a bee and an eagle? A beagle!
What do you call a snail on a boat inside your ear? A nose scratcher!

As you can see, it's a toss-up if the jokes will actually make sense, let alone be funny. A chuckle from me is inevitable; gotta give them support for trying. Each joke tends to have the same structure: a question from them, me saying "I don't know", and then the so-called punch-line.. So the other day one of the girls came up to me and before she even said anything I thought, 'yes! a joke'. Here's how our exchange went:

Girl: "Why are flamingos pink?"
Me: "Hmmm, why are flamingos pink.. Hmmm, I don't know.."
Girl: "Oh." And then she turned and walked away!

They haven't been sharing any jokes lately, I think I need to start asking them to tell me some. In the past I could count on them to just come up and share..

Let's now turn our attention to David Duchovny. Everyone with me? Good. Dave recently hosted the "Late Late Show" in place of Craig Kilborn. He had Garry Shandling as a guest, with whom he has some amusing history (Larry Sanders show anyone?), and Garry Shandling called him Dave. It sounded funny. Anyway, the funniest part of the show was during the monologue.. One line in particular. Mulder had just finished telling the audience a rather sad news story: "But there's good news," said Duchovny, "I'm married to Téa Leoni."

A Steven Wright joke that I like:
"I got kicked out of the movies for bringing my own food in. I argued that the concession prices are outrageous. And besides, it's been a while since I've had a barbecue"

Got a favorite joke? Share it with me s'il vous plaît..

Interview of Death

Oh boy. Where do I begin? This was one difficult interview.. The deadline for application for the position was October 1st, and they didn't contact me until over a month later. Hypothesis: the first round of selected applicants failed to meet their requirements.. I now see why..

So the job entails, among other things, the implementation of programs for all ages in a downtown eastside park, Oppenheimer park for those who care.. And the fact that you're reading this at all leads me to believe you care.. The job would be a challenge no doubt.. not just for me, but for anyone.. Lots of conflicts, verbal and physical, between people who want to use the park to play, and people who are, well, not wanting to play, but won't move. The job description noted this so it wasn't a shock when the guy interviewer (there was a male and two females) gave me a "reality check" about what I would be doing. I didn't have the appropriate experience that they were apparently looking for.. Some questions about my supervisory experience were skipped, and some questions, when I spoke of my limited experience in whatever they were asking, caused the two females to exchange not-so-subtle looks with each other.. "Look assholes, I read the job description and felt that it was a job I could do.. Sure the downtown eastside neightborhood will be challenging, but it will be challenging for everyone, not just me.. and besides, I sent you my resumé and you contacted me, implying that you felt I was a definite possibility to fill the position.. If it's clearly not working out on your side, then cut the interview short so that you can exchange glances on your own time. "

Each interviewer asked many, many questions with each question more demanding than the previous one.. In many of the questions, I was lost before they were finished asking.. Long-winded questions within questions.. No wonder they hadn't found anyone yet, all applicants who came in for an interview had no idea what the hell they were talking about.. After asking them to give me a moment to formulate an answer, I would begin talking in general terms, but then I would have to stop talking, usually mid-sentence. These stops came in two varities: 1) My rate of speech would slow, volume of voice become lower, until I just trickled to silence. 2) Mid-sentence, I would search for the right word to express my thoughts and nothing would come. Nothing at all. I felt as though I had no official language because all that was coming to me, was the sound of a prairie breeze. After a short uncomfortable pause, I would then ask them to repeat the question.. Which they would do.. Didn't help at all.. Here's an example of a question, as best as I can remember it five nights after it was fired at me: "What do you thing the goals and motivations are of a volunteer, and compare it to the goals and motivations of a paid worker?" This may seem simple in hindsight, but in the heat of the moment, not so much.. not for me.. and keep in mind that this is one of the only questions that I can recall from memory. Every other question was far too complicated and wordy to remember.. The evening following the interview I couldn't even remember what had happened.. There was also a question along the lines of: "In the park we sometimes get incidents of violent conflicts, such as people throwing glass bottles. Give us an example of a time you dealt with violent conflict and tell us how you dealt with it.." Me: "Just give me a few seconds please.. (short pause) ..Working as a daycamp leader at Arts Umbrella, we play many active games with kids. During a soccer game, Jimmy will try to kick the ball but sometimes he'll miss the ball and maybe kick Susie's foot instead. Susie will then get upset and say that Jimmy did it on purpose and refuse to play soccer. After telling Susie that I saw the whole thing and that her getting kicked by Jimmy was an accident, we'll go get a drink from the water fountain and, feeling better, she'll start playing soccer again.. That's exactly the type of violent conflict you're looking for, right? Jerks.."

As for the interviewer who assumed the crash position (see previous post), I was in the process of "answering" a question aimed at me from the male interviewer when I looked over and there she was, looking very professional. Other professional interviewing habits: checking her cellphone regularly; looking out the window located behind me and reacting nonverbally to whatever or whoever she saw; as stated before, exchanging glances with other female; being unfriendly in demeanor, attitude, speech, etc.. (began before the interview even started)

In conclusion, you might find it surprising that this is still a job that I would want.. And I feel it's a job I could handle, it would just take some getting used to.. It was the interviewers themselves that pushed me away, not the details of the job.. Unfortunately, I believe the position requires quite a bit of involvement and communication with the "crash-position interviewer". In the end, I feel kinda sorry for the individual who gets hired for this position and must be exposed to such negativity. Of course, this is assuming that they find an applicant who can understand what the hell they are asking. It just occurred to me that at the end of the interview I should've asked them to ask me a simple question such as, "What's the date today?" Then I would've watched as the question became severely mutated and unintelligible right in front of my eyes, until it was no longer even a shadow of its former self. Simply for my amusement of course.

Teaser

My job interview on Friday was a nightmare. Details to come, please stay tuned.. (at one point, one of the three interviewers had her elbows on her knees and her face in the palms of her hands for a good 45-60 seconds!)

Jobs

I had a job interview at Science World / Telusphere last Monday for the position of Science Facilitator. Overall I felt it was a decent interview, but there were a couple of things I wasn't happy with when it was all said and done. One such thing was having to pretend that the two female interviewers were a couple of kids that I had to entertain for a few minutes. All I had was a poem that they supplied me with. I could've done it so much better, but I just couldn't transform the interviewers into kids in order to do so. Got the call on Saturday saying, in effect, "Thanks, but no thanks."

This morning, after emailing them several weeks ago with my resumé, Carnegie Community Centre called and left a message asking me to come in for an interview on Friday. This is a job that I would really really like to get. Wish me luck okay.. Here's an exciting excerpt from the job posting:

Reporting to a Community Programmer, the Activities Coordinators (there are two Coordinators) consult and work with the CCC Association, community groups and individuals to develop, coordinate and implement programs and ensure safety and security at Oppenheimer Park . The coordinators are personally involved in program leadership; plan and participate in special events and out trips, including overnight trips; assist in the hiring and supervision of part-time staff and instructors; develop volunteer participation; assist in the administration of the park facility; monitor the annual program budget; assist in raising funds; and perform a community liaison function. Duties also include: assisting and providing support to patrons experiencing personal crisis, providing lay counseling or referral services as required; enforcing rules and patrolling the park and field house to keep them free from alcohol, drugs and violence; resolving patron and volunteer disputes; attending to medical emergencies and dealing with police or other emergency services; ensuring the park facilities and grounds are clean and that unsafe materials are removed.

I want this job this job is what I want I want this job this job is what I want I want this job this job is what I want I want this job

Two Quotes

Taken from Sports Illustrated, here are two items regarding the Red Sox:

1) After the BoSox beat the Yankees (Suck) in game seven, the fans were on the streets outside Fenway celebrating. The police were there and were armed with FN303 guns, which fire pepper pellets designed to be nonlethal. On egun was fired into a crowd of revelers - from which a bottle had been thrown at a police officer - and the pellet struck the eye of 21-year-old Victoria Snelgrove, killing her. Following Boston wins in games one and two of the World Series, the city was far more subdued. Here is what BoSox rightfielder Trot Nixon said: "I'd give back game seven to have her back."

2) In game one of the World Series, the BoSox and Cards combined for 42 runners and 5 errors, including one by Boston leftfielder Manny Ramirez when he stumbled awkwardly (and hilariously!) on an unnecessary attempt at a diving catch, allowing the Cards to tie the game at nine in the eighth. When he returned to the dugout, Manny deadpanned to teammate Dave Roberts, "Snipers got me."

Bush versus the Packers

Here's an interesting factoid for alls y'all: If history holds true, the final homegame for the Washington Redskins before the American Presidential election could very well tell us who will win the election. If the Redskins win their final homegame, the incumbant party retains the Presidency. If the Redskins lose, the incumbant party loses the White House. The election is on Tuesday and the Redskins have a homegame today. They are playing the Green Bay Packers. This strange streak has held true for the past 17 elections. I read it in a local newspaper so it's gotta be true. Just checked the scoreboard; Packers up 10-0 early in the second quarter.

Spooky Halloween Movie

Yesterday I Saw a very spooky movie. Normally, I tend to avoid scary/gory movies, but now and then one lures me in.. Whenever I see a movie that I like, telling people all about it is not my style. I like to just say, "it's good, go see it". This one had a good premise and, this being Halloween weekend, we went ahead and checked it out. Biscotti's not so sure, but I'm glad I Saw it. It's a well-made low-budget thriller. If you're thinking that I haven't given you the name of the movie yet, you're wrong. I have. To help you out, and possibly lure you into seeing the movie, here's a synopsis that I swiped from the internet: Two men (Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell) wake chained to pipes in a subterranean bathroom. Neither knows how or why they got there, but a cassette recorder left for them slowly reveals the clues to a fiendish game. "It's good, go see it."

I was standing in the park the other day, wondering why a frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

Red Sox: World Champions

There is an aspect of the curse that I hadn't given any thought to: The players have had the curse forced upon them. They are out there on the field trying to win games. It is the fans who project(ed) the curse onto the team. Many players, including Cabrera and the heroic Schilling, have been on the team for less than a year. This is why I am at peace with the curse being reversed. "From cursed to first" one sign in St. Louis said. Congrats Red Sox. They just thoroughly dominated the Cards, who had been the best team in baseball during the regular season. Eight straight wins to capture the title. A record of 11-3 in the postseason. And, of course, that unprecedented comeback versus the Yankees (Suck).

As I end this post, and move on to other topics in future posts, I would like to conclude with this: I am very happy to have seen the BoSox play at Fenway while the curse was alive and well.

What is going on?

The Red Sox are up three games to none versus the Cardinals in the World Series. Trying to come up with a short phrase to summarize how I feel about this, here is the best I can do: This is nutty. For the last couple of days, and increasing after last night's game, I've been thinking, huh, could the curse actually end this year? Tonight? The curse could end tonight. Of course, as many, if not all, Sox fans are no doubt considering, the World Series is not over. After winning three games, teams still have to win the fourth game. Right Yankees (Suck)?

So here's what I just realized. Much like flipping a coin, there are now two possible outcomes for the conclusion of the World Series. You may be thinking, 'well yeah, even before it began, it would either be 1) Sox win, or 2) Cardinals win'. (You might have read somewhere that there are actually three potential outcomes to coin-flipping. That is a lie.) Two outcomes: 1) Sox win, thereby ending the curse and putting an end to 86 years of futility; 2) Cardinals win, thereby accomplishing what the Sox were the first team ever to do, coming back from a 3 games to none deficit in a best-of-seven series. Either result is just plain nutty. The Red Sox are going to finally win the World Series, in the same postseason that they were down three games to none to, of all teams, the Yankees (Suck), and in the same season that I actually saw them play for the very first time, at good ol' Fenway? The Cards are going to pull off what all 25 other teams before this year's Sox team couldn't do, coming back from a (everyone say it with me) "three games to none deficit"?

As much as I've been pro-Sox since seeing them at Fenway, I'm not sure I want the BoSox to win the World Series. The legend of the curse is too great. If they finally win, how many people will care anymore? It will become a forgotten story. Right now there is so much history to it, all the way back to 1918.. No other sports team has that kind of story. Coming back against the Yankees (Suck) was fantastic, but it would have been just fine, and even appropriate, if they had then gone down in flames in the World Series.. "Oh man," the Fenway faithful would say, "that damn curse.. Well, there's always next year.." But now, being up three-zero, I don't want the Cards to pull off the same upset that the Sox just did. That would suck. So I'm torn. It's either hope for the curse to end, or hope for the Sox's unprecedented-comeback to be repeated in the very same postseason, by another team? My vote: Repeat the comeback. Keep the curse alive.